Short Stop at Home
I’m home after nearly eleven months!! It feels so good to be back, even if it’s just for eight days, four of which have already flown by. Being at home feels just as I had feared it would–it’s wonderful but I’m filled with various unqualified apprehensions. Well I guess the components are very easy to identify. It’s more the unpleasant feeling that they form in chaotic chorus that’s so unsettling. The biggest, of course, is that Home is changing and evolving rapidly without me here, and that I really miss it and feel like it’ll never be the same again. I miss, not only my family and friends, but my old surroundings and habits, the spirit of all the places I used to frequent, all of the little things that added up to a general sense of warmth and contentment. And that makes me suddenly question my happiness in Japan–despite the fact that I am indeed happy there!
But, on the other hand, that surging escalation of doubt has given me the long-awaited kick in the behind to get my life in order–to get up on time, to maintain basic discipline in my daily life, to keep up with my hobbies and interests and, most importantly to figure out what I want to do in the future and how. I need to climb back into the boat, and stay on.
I don’t think I want to rush straight to graduate school as my parents keep trying to insist (with no regard whatsoever for my commitments at my current workplace or my wishes and happiness), but I do think I want to know what’s waiting for me and what I want to do next, and I do think I want to come back a little sooner than February of 2009. I’ve done a lot of fun stuff in the past ten months, and I’ve worked quite hard, too–but neither of those is enough. The things I need to be taking care of as an adult and a basic unit of society are falling by the wayside. I’m very excited about my New Year’s resolutions for 2008!
yes…. go on…
